Living the Fourth Every Day

The daily reflections and occasional art of a college student

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No day post again tonight. Too tired and frustraited. I just failed in doing my art project due tomorrow, well, at least part of it, because the knife slipped or something and cut through a large section that wasnt suppose to be cut. I hate tomorrow. I need to finish my architecture project tomorrow before class and my art project before class. I am about to give up.

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Day 1158

Another day without much of a post. I will be going to bed soon, but first I will be doing a bit of drawing for my architecture stuff. I really need sleep and I am going to bed so early so that I can get up before 7 tomorrow hopefully and get on campus to finish or at least get close to finishing my architecture project due Monday.

so that is all good night.

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Day 1157

So I have been super busy. I had that test today which I think went fairly well. I have two projects due Monday which I am nervous about. I really have a lot I could talk about but I feel like I don’t have the time or patience at this point. It is really nice having family here but I think I am going to collapse from exhaustion as soon as they leave. They are here on what is currently the busies week I have had so far this year.

So even though I had that test I still kind of have stuff to read for that class. It is not actually for that class but I was talking to my professor and he recommended this kind of, so I want to read it so we can discuss it.

We went to the horse park yesterday. We have done a lot already and I am really tired. Good night.

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Day 11??

studied most of the day. Need to go to bed. no time to write the reflection tonight. Good night. I will write tomorrow.

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Day 1155

Sharing a room with my dad shouldnt normally be a problem, but due to the problems they encountered causing them to come in this morning, my dad went to sleep a while ago.

Anyway, I am actually a lot less stressed having them here. I showed them my art, including the one about Shadow. That was actually the closest I have been to crying in front of others in a really long time. I was trying to explain it and I actually stopped at one point. It was really tough for me to do. As much as it hurt me when I did it, I did not expect that to continue this long after.

Anyway, we are getting up at like 7am so I need to go to sleep soon.

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Every night when I go to bed I can’t sleep. I can sleep while sitting at my desk, but try to sleep and NOPE

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I don’t mean to sound ‘3 edgy 5 me’ right now, but there are definitely times when it seems like loneliness won’t go away and that your friends can’t even help. For me it feels like the only 2 possibilities to help me would be either a dog, especially Shadow, or (not to sound cheesy, corny or whatever else) a romantic relationship.

I have something to discuss kind of about the latter, but I have not felt like writing about it since I thought of it a while back.

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Looking at every picture I have of Shadow and crying  Maybe it is good for me that my dad isn’t here yet since we would be sharing a room and I would not be crying if he were in here.

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As soon as I realized the day my family was going to be here I told my dad he had to call my mom when he got here. He thought I was being really considerate telling him to check on mom on Shadows birthday. The reason I knew it would be a tough day for her was because I knew it would be a tough day for me. I thought I would have family here to help me and my mom would be alone. Well, I have my grandparents, but we both basically ended up without family here to help. I don’t think my family realizes how tough days like this are for me because I do not want to talk about it with them and I dont show much emotion around my family. I am just as sad and emotional about all of the stuff as my mom is.

My first day back for Christmas break is going to be terrible.