Living the Fourth Every Day

The daily reflections and occasional art of a college student

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Day 1107

It was nice not having school today. I got to play some minecraft with Yuki. I do not feel like going to school in the morning, but I have to. I also do not have time to write this all now. I need to go to bed. good night.

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Well, one nice thing about my schedual is I have Tuesday and Thursday off from school. It is especially good because I was so tired last night that I fell asleep pretty much immediately.

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You know chrome is really messed up because I had no problem opening gmail in internet explorer….

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Google Chrome is so stupid. I have all my personal stuff on Firefox and my school stuff on Chrome, that way I dont have to log in and out of accounts all the time. I cannot get into gmail through Chrome. I have no trouble in Firefox, but you think Google would have their own program good at opening another one of their own products.

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Day 1106

I am really tired. I might actually go to bed really soon. It was a long day of school today.

I also found out more about what happened to Shadow. Basically some organ was bleeding into his stomach, which can happen in large dogs. There is a slim chance where you can save them if you catch it immediately. The problem is the immediate symptom is fatigue and he slept a lot. There was no way to really tell anything was wrong until he didnt eat and started collapsing.

My mom is now the only person I have actually talked about it with. I am still extremely sad. I miss Shadow so much.

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Stuck in a college of design meeting

It wouldn’t be so bad, but I just found out my class that I have 2 hours 3 times a week is now changed to 3 hours 2 times a week. If this had been planned from the beginning it would be one thing, but they changed schedules a few times over the summer. It just cut how much time I can spend with Yuki almost in half…

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Mercer Frey, Ancano, and that High Elf from Radiant Raiment were the most satisfying video game characters I have ever killed and probably the most hated characters in Skyrim. But I have never wanted to kill one as bad as I want to kill Maven Black-Briar…. and she is indeed unkillable, no matter how many times I still try. I think I’ll go try one more time, just to make sure. 

yeah, Maven is a bit annoying, but you know who I really wish I could kill? That kid in Whiterun who says things like “Another wanderer here to lick my fathers boots.” That kid is so damn annoying that he is the only reason I wish I could kill kids in the game

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Day 1105

I was just about to say I was doing better, that I was coping with my dogs death well and that I had stopped crying. I had all day. My other sister called me as I opened this up and when we started talking it became difficult again. I managed to get through the day by keeping myself really busy. It is when I am stuck talking about him that it is the hardest. I can do that for a very short time, but the longer I talk about him the harder it is to control my emotions.

I always miss my dog more than anyone while I am here. This makes it so much worse because I don’t get to see him again. I knew it was still possible, but I thought it was unlikely that he would die this semester, and so soon especially. He improved so much so fast after that falling he had for a while. This one apparently happened really suddenly. He collapsed a few times, they put him in the car, drove to the emergency vet like 10 -15 minutes away, he stopped breathing, and eventually the doctor asked for permission to stop CPR.

I managed to go pretty much the whole day without crying. Now I cannot control it.

I appreciate my family being concerned from me, but talking about it just makes me more sad.

One of my sisters wants to make a collage of him. I will be sending her pictures soon. I am glad I took a bunch before I left because I realized it was still possible this would happen. I didn’t think it would thought.